"is beer my new boyfriend?" Anonymous, yeah right!

As I declare myself, once again free of beer, like I have repeatedly sworn off men, I realize that my love affair with the pale ale draws peculiar similarities to my love of men, and if this is true, which do I prefer? Blondes or brunettes?

Evolution of woman can be traced through her relationship with two species, animal and mineral. Woman’s initiation with both occur simultaneously, around the age of 14 at an unsupervised party, she has yet to establish preference or taste for either, but will take what she can get and as many as she can of both. Time evolves, standards are established, she establishes her theory of the ideal man, and narrows her range of beer to two, the beer bought at the beginning and the beer bought at the end of the pay period.

As I remain dateless, it occurred to me that there is a special someone filling the void of a boyfriend, and doing it so well that I barely noticed the gap, that is beer. And it became much less bizarre the more I pondered the similarities between my relationship with beer and my relationship with men. It seems that the boy’s bevy and the boy have much more in common than I first thought. Consumed in small amounts both can be beautiful, but over indulge and things can turn nasty. Both can ruin friendships, make you cry, make you fat and they both smell. My mother doesn’t particularly like the idea of too many consumed in one night, when I roll over on Sunday morning my head tells me I should have known better, and when you get down to the last bit of them, they aren’t nearly as good as what you started with. After awhile you stop dressing up in their company and in both cases I get annoyed when the barmaid takes him off my hands before I am finished.

It is better to have loved and lost, than too never have loved at all, and so I might give this guy a go, I don’t think I would ever marry him, but it’s a bit of fun while it lasts, I would like you to all meet my new boyfriend, Ale (the e is silent). If you’re worried what my parents might think, there’s no need to worry, my dad already really likes him.